About the Money, Honey
While the number of Canadian couples saying “I do” has been in steady decline since the 1970s, roughly 100,000 marriage licences are still issued across the country annually. For those tying the knot in today’s cost-of-living crisis, “happily ever after” often depends as much on shared spreadsheets as shared values. It also relies on couples having the skills to talk about tough stuff together.
Certified financial planners can help couples budget, manage debt and prepare for milestones. But when shame or entrenched conflicts make money a taboo subject, financial therapy, a branch of psychotherapy focused on money and relationships, steps in.
Part of my practice involves meeting with couples who are struggling to get aligned on how they should be managing money. Money habits, like other habits, are rarely just about numbers. They often trace back to unmet needs like belonging and safety or subconscious motivations like pain avoidance. Couples are frequently unaware of the belief systems or “money stories” driving their money habits, or their partner’s money habits. Where these habits meet up has everything to do with how secure the couple is likely to become (or not become) financially.
I think it’s important to talk about money. Except for health, nothing else is likely to have as profound an effect on quality of life, whether it’s discussed or not.
I meet with couples who have all kinds of money problems. On one end of the spectrum is mild misalignment such as different spending styles. More concerning is secrecy about debt or accounts (financial infidelity). More concerning still is financial abuse, where one partner exerts coercive control over money. Understanding where a couple’s problems fall on this spectrum informs the approaches we might take in therapy .
The stakes are high. According to the 2024 RBC poll on Relationships and Money, 77 per cent of couples named money as a source of stress, and 62 per cent said it was the leading cause of arguments. Nearly a quarter reported that talking about finances has never felt more stressful.
Couples financial therapy aims to help partners bring their money habits and underlying causes into conscious awareness. I work with couples to help them talk about money without shaming each other, repair trust, and create healthier ways of making decisions together.
As with traditional couples therapy, staying together is not always the safest or best outcome—especially where financial abuse or broader coercion is involved. In these instances, individual therapy or support from domestic violence resources may be more appropriate.
What couples can do when money becomes stressful
Recognize the red flags. If money talk gets avoided, spirals into arguments, or triggers shame, it may be more than just a budgeting problem.
Know which professional you need. If it’s about skills and planning, a certified financial planner can help. If it’s about avoidance, shame, fear or control, a psychotherapist specializing in couples financial therapy may be the right first step. Sometimes both are useful, in sequence.
Start where it feels safe. Begin with shared values—security, travel, saving for a home—before debating bills. Replace blame with “I” statements: “I feel anxious when I don’t know what’s in our account” lands differently than “You never tell me what you spend.”
Build habits early. Have a monthly “money date” to check in on goals and progress to prevent resentment from taking root.
Use the right resources. In Canada, certified financial planners can help couples create a plan for managing their finances. Advice-only financial planners derive no benefit from your investments and work hourly on an upfront fee. While “financial therapist” is not a regulated title in Canada, many registered psychotherapists who work with couples are equipped to address money-related struggles.
Couples financial therapy may not sound romantic, but ignoring perennial conflicts around money rarely ends well. Whether a couple chooses to stay together or part ways, facing reality with honesty and support can be the first step toward restoring safety, stability and peace of mind.